Marriage at alienation … happiness determined by fate

Investigation: Ahmed Damlakhy
Edited by: Lana Haj Hassan

Reem K. is one of the girls of the Syrian city of Manbij, one of dozens in the city who are preparing to travel to meet future couples who have been engaged in an arranged marriage. The girls’ dream of a better life away from the pressures of war and its accessories has become a concern for many, despite the risk that the girl and her parents may face in a marriage to a young man who only knows that he is suitable and the son of a family with a good reputation.

“In months I will travel to Germany to meet my future husband,” says Reem to Taa Marbouta. After completing my university studies I tried hard to get a decent job, but all my efforts were useless under the dire situation in Manbij and all of Syria.

The family of Reem visited one of the city’s women, who has an old friendship with her mother to show her desire to betroth the young girl to her son in Germany. Reem says, we have always talked during the early periods about the details of the reunion, and with the commencement of the procedures set the time of the interview after a month of engagement at the end of this year, and today began all the preparations for travel, I have an irreplaceable opportunity, especially at a time where the number young men became lower in the city because of the situation and the subject of Self- defense service imposed and fear of another war may witness the city in the coming days.

Reem does not hide her fear and reluctance to meet a husband she does not know and a country she does not belong to, but all those who communicated him told her, her husband would be the lifetime opportunity and a new start to everything especially the circumstances in Germany is decent .

The young girl considers that social networking programs and What’s app contributed to the consolidation of her relationship from her fiancé so she knew a lot about him and no longer is a stranger to her during the past four months.

The opinion of women in Manbij about this phenomenon

“Umm Mohammed” from Manbij’s women talks to Taa Marbouta about this phenomenon by saying, today this phenomenon is spreading significantly in Manbij, especially with the high cost of marriage in the city and low employment opportunities for young people, I am today the mother of a number of sons in Turkey, Germany and Austria Some of them are married and some are single and if you think of marrying a single young people it is better today to have marriage in his place of residence, it is true I will lose my joy in him, but the costs of marriage that he will put here is the first of them, in return the costs of family reunion will be very high, however I would be happy Because my children are comfortable and nothing can happen to them because of circumstances .

A big bet

As for “Umm Ali”, she says, we heard a lot about girls who traveled to European countries and after arrival abolition of engagement and began a life of their own far from the parents but according to the stories told among the people in the city were from other regions, this talk cannot be denied or proved, In my opinion that this way of marriage can be a disaster or a big problem, especially in cases where the parties do not know each other or that the groom is outside the boundaries of the city of Manbij and its countryside.

A chance not to miss

Fatima D., a 24-year-old young woman who says she is engaged to a man from Manbij who lives in one of the countries of the Diaspora, says that the number of young people in the city has become few due to immigration and the remaining few don’t have the finance ability because of high prices of everything. So the answer would be yes because such an opportunity in this period may be repeated only once in a lifetime, if it was presented to me before the Syrian crisis certainly my answer iwould be categorical rejection. Most of the girls in Manbij rejected the idea of marriage outside the city, except in case there is a return to it even if it is after a long time, but with these situations, the exit means that the return is not known and may not occur at all.

Fatima continues to talk, saying today, girls in the city seek to settle down and form a family and have children no matter how strong the female is but she will be in need to get married, our society looks at the girl who is about thirty years and not marry as a spinster and will be incomplete in the opinion of society, So I see that marriage today this way avoids a lot of girls this position and in general this phenomenon so far is significantly restricted to marriage between young men and women from the same city means that it is possible to ask and inquire about the young man before agreeing and know his family, the city depends on this method of marriage in normal ways .

This phenomenon in the city of Manbij today is acceptable to many parents and girls. Many consider it a new start and a better place to start and form a well-educated and intellectual family, and obtaining residence or citizenship in the Diaspora is a good advantage to obtain privileges that are not available in Syria.

* The photo from internet